HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

If you know me, you know this is my absolute favorite holiday! So although I have been lax on the blogging as of late I had to pay homage to my favorite day of the year! HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE! I hope it's a spooky one! P.S. I want to be the Bride of Frankenstein in my next life! Thanks Elsa Lanchester for being such an amazing Halloween icon!

The Mc (what the hell are you thinking?!) Mini

Soooo after a bit of a hiatus from writing I have run across something that begs to be blogged about. The McMini Sandwich at McDonalds.

I will preface the forthcoming rant with this admission. I have not, nor will I, be trying this sandwich. I know it's sounds stubborn but it's purely principle after how much this particular menu item has irked me. You know what I NEVER wanted to see on a McDonald's menu the words, pesto, mango or baguette. Not to mention the words "Thai style" ANYTHING. Now I know what you're probably thinking...WHY are you so peeved by this? It's just McDonalds! Everyone loves a little dirty D's right?! RIGHT! There in lies the problem. I don't want people going into a McDonald's and thinking "wow this pesto is really great...I bet this is what all pesto is supposed to taste like". Wrong. It isn't what all pesto should taste like and shame on you McDonald's for making people think that. While we're on that subject, why the hell are you trying to "class up" your menu in the first place. I don't know many people that think to themselves "Gee I've got a jonesing for Thai food why don't I jont on down to the local Micky D's and have myself a sandwich". You know where people should go for Thai food...A THAI RESTAURANT!!! That would be like Taco Bell serving escargot. Nope, no...noooooooo......Also the advertising for this product is all over the map. It's a hand holding a sandwich which is meant to show how allegedly small this sandwich really is! GASP! You know what you can also fit in the palm of your hand? A REGULAR SANDWICH. Nice work million dollar advertising campaign. Nice work indeed.

Now I will say this sandwich isn't all bad. At least the caloric punch it packs is worthy of it's "mini" name. For the Thai (grrr) grilled option your looking at 260 calories and 9 grams of fat (not too bad for a dirty McDonalds run). Make that Thai (grrr) sandwich crispy and you're looking at another 70 calories so that's 310 cal and 14 grams of fat. The pesto (also grrr) chicken of the grilled variety will run you 280 calories and 13 grams of fat and make it crispy and you're looking at 350 calories and 19 grams of fat. Ug. Guess Thai is the healthier option here folks. Moral of the story and we all know this...if you make something crispy (a nicer name for deep fried) it's going to cost you more in the calorie department. No matter how small the damned thing is.

So ok McDonald's I give up...I don't know why you insist on trying to make your food more upscale but I find it ridiculous and it bothers me everytime I see an advertisement for some new and increasinly exotic ingredient. Thanks for trying but if your attempt was to bring culture to masses it's pretty piss poor in my humble opinion. I don't want people to think a mango is what comes slopped onto one of your fried sandwiches or that pesto should just taste like garlic and salt and not fresh basil! Let's call a spade a spade. McDonald's is crap fast food that is great when you're in the mood for some late night munchies but it is NOT a high class establishment and shouldn't attempt to be one.

There...two cents given...

East Coast girl, West Side renter

Sooooo...this being my first year actually living in Toronto I wasn't totally sure what to expect. I am directionally challenged so I still constantly get lost and having moved from a city I know like the back of my hand to a much larger MUCH more spread out city it's been an interesting transition. Now I am and always will be an East Coast girl...cue Beach Boys..."Now East Coast girls are hip I really dig those styles they wear..." but the east SIDE of Toronto, I have to admit, leaves a little to be desired. The Beaches area is lovely, couldn't complain about that at all with it's cute little shops and oh let me think PROXIMITY TO THE BEACH! However, a 25 minute walk north of Queen St. E to Main and Danforth places you in...well...let's just say NOT the beach. I have never in my life seen so many people on scooters who don't need to be (expect for maybe in Disney World, thank you free scooter rental) or payday loan places. In other words, that neighborhood seems to be the place people go who have been forgotten or who want to be. Now don't get me wrong, I did love our hilarious neighborhood amenities, Shirley Restaurant for late night chinese, cheap beer and people watching, Len Duckworth's for amazing fish and being made to feel like an outsider and of course the Mr. Sub with a liquor license because let's face it who doesn't want a sub and a beer?! However the neighborhood on a whole a little soul crushing.

Cue our move west!!!!!! We are now the proud renters of a lovely top two floor apartment (did I mention we were in a basement before?!) in the ballin' St. Claire West area. There is a Thai Place on the corner, a streetcar stop within 2 minutes of the house and we live next door to a man named Anjelo Capone whoc sits on his porch and carried on wonderful conversations whenever you leave the house! :) Although I will miss my roommates I have to say life in the west thus far is good :)

Sorry Main and Danforth but I'm not very sad to see you go...

Falling down the rabbit hole...

Felt a bit like this today...

Even the after dinner mints were too small...

So this is an "American in Toronto" first: It's restaurant review time.

Relish.

What can I say? We didn't "relish" it. In fact we felt cheated upon leaving. Just east of Woodbine and Danforth Relish looks like a cool little gastro pub. On the outside it looks like a fun funky little establishment. They even have live music which is a definite selling point for me whenever I walk into a restaurant. The ambiance isn't bad with a clean funky open concept kitchen and nice bar. Cas and I often walk pass this place and were excited to finally give it a try. Boy were we in for an unpleasant surprise. But let's get down to brass tax here...

Food. Ah the food. Trying to capitalize on the popularity of the tapas restaurant craze Relish has smaaallll portions and high prices. This in and of itself isn't an egregious error. There are lots of places that over charge for small portions. That's the price you pay for "fine dining" right? However ANY price would have been too much for the quality of this food. To start I had chilled cucumber soup which was actually probably the best thing I had all night but let's face it...it's hard to eff up cold cucumber soup. Put cucumbers in blender. Hit start. There you go. A monkey could do it. And when that is the highlight of a night, you know you have a problem. I went with Harv, Cas and Mike. We each ordered two things and Cas and I had soup. The bill came to $123 and we had to stop for pizza on the way home (which incidentally we spent $1.50 a slice on and was FAR more satisfying than our whole dinner). I had the lobster potstickers ($7...there were three of them and one was burnt (if you're keeping score that's three potstickers, four hungry diners). The filling was alright but the portion wasn't worth the price. I also ordered stuffed shells filled with chicken and mushrooms. Frankly, I think I can make a better marinara sauce and there were only two of them (4 diners, 2 shells...I know it's tapas but COME ON). I believe that cost us about $8. You can make a hell of a lot of stuffed shells for $8, my mother does it all the time. Cas ordered scallops and some kind of weird duck casserole with white beans. I'm sorry but $14 for three scallops is ridiculous and the sauce was disgusting WAY too peppery and I LOVE pepper. The scallops were over cooked and sandy. SANDY! That is restaurant 101. Clean your shellfish. And don't over cook it. I didn't actually taste the casserole (it has chorizo in it which I don't do because I don't eat pork or beef) but my fellow diners seemed less than impressed. Apparently the chorizo was bacon bit sized and not at all satisfying. She also had corn and chorizo chowder which she described as "alright". I guess they do soups ok at good ole Relish. Harv ordered some pickerel which came with a cucumber salad that was actually cooked pretty well but I found a bone in my piece and the portion was minuscule. He also got the shrimp which actually had four shrimp (about damn time there are four of us) and at $10 it came in some sort of leek scampi sauce on top of soggy bread. Gross. Mike went with lamb empenadas which I also didn't try but was told were really weird and tasted like they were microwaved. Also the sauce looked like gravy out of a package. Mike also went with an artichoke and bean spread that came with garlic bread. That was $8 and probably the ONLY appropriately sized portion. It came with four good sized pieces of bread and the spread itself was actually pretty tasty. If you're keeping score that Relish: 2 (the soup and the spread) and Disgusting or badly portioned: 7. The beer was pretty cheap but when the only good thing you can say about a meal is "The beer was good". You know you have a problem. The service was alright but erratic and one of our two waiters seemed really nervous and kept horse clicking his teeth after he said most words. All in all when we were served the bill we felt cheated. Thanks Halal Pizza and Wings for being cheap, delicious and right on the way home. You saved our night.

Now don't get me wrong. I understand the concept of tapas being small portions so you can try many different things. I actually really like this concept however Relish doesn't do it justice in the least. I have left many a tapas bar feeling satisfied and happy. I left Relish with a burning need to tell people NOT to patronize their establishment. And THAT is a damn shame. So here it is. If you live in Toronto, are in the East End and looking for a good meal pass right on by Relish and perhaps check out Bistro Carmino (Main and Danforth) or one of the many (inexpensive and delish) Ethiopian restaurants in the Coxwell area. Sorry Relish. You lose.

Will and Grace have got nothing on us!

This is the story of a man named Matty he was singing on the SOB, he is just a "little" gay, he loves Mohitos he'd just done A Chorus Line.
This is the story of a girl named Leah who was also singing on that blasted boat, she's a giant fag hag, she loves her Britney she was fresh out of school.
And that's the way that they became Will and Grace...Will and Grace...Will and Grace (Ok if you didn't get the Brady Bunch gay remix by now than I can't help you)

So began one of the great partnerships of the 20th/21st century. The union of Mr. Matthew Gregory Nobin and Ms. Leah Allyce Canali. Now as any modern day fag hag knows life does not truly begin until you find your one true gay soul mate. The man that dots the i's and crosses the t's of your big gay life. Matt is one of those people that makes me truly believe in past lives. He's a person that I felt an instant kinship with as if we were picking up where we left off in some long forgotten incarnation of our lives together. I picture us in fabulous detail, living in bygone eras connecting in just the same way we do in this life. Singing and dancing our way through various centuries and historical movements (always costumed fabulously). Although Matt and I are often in different corners of the world I know what a lucky lucky lady I am to have found such an amazing connection with another human being. To quote West Side Story (one of my favorite musicals OF ALL TIME) Matt and I are "Womb to Tomb" "Birth to Earth" kind of friends.

Now truthfully I'm lucky to have two special men that fill this much needed position. Being that I'm also a giant drag hag I can't leave out one Mr. Freddy Franklin. As Mr. Franklin said himself one day in a usual stroke of genius "Gurl I just figured it out gurl. You're the Grace. Matt is the Will and I'm like the Jack gurl just black and more gay!" (to which Matt and I responded that Freddy was really like a Jack/Karen hybrid) Freddy always brings a necessary bit of comedy and fabulousness to any situation. Yet he is one of the most insightful people I have ever met, he truly wants to know about people, which in this world is a trait not to be taken lightly.

Now I could go on about this two gentlemen for pages and pages of this blog. I could tell stories of debauchery and support of love and lust of anger and of great joy. Really the point of this post is to celebrate because for the first time in too many years all three pieces of this puzzle will finally be in the same place, at the same time for the gayest weekend in all of creation. End of June. Pride Parade. Leah and her gays "reunited and it feels so good". Oooo...I feel it coming...yes...it's there...

"Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true your a pal and a confidant.

And if you through a party
Invited everyone you ever knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend."

Really, could I end this post any other way? Thanks Golden Girls. You've done it again.

Lonely Saturdays

Now, when your significant other is a musician lonely Saturday nights are pretty much a given. When every other couple would be having "date night" my hunny is off gigging...this has never been a problem because I too am in the entertainment industry and understand the "never really working regular hours" schedule of a performer. I was gigging most of the time too. It took a long time to train them but I think my friends have pretty much figured out the "Leah never has time off when we do and we shouldn't be offended when she blows us off to work" rule.

This all being said when you're NOT gigging, Saturday nights take on a whole new kind of loneliness.

I knew from the start, immigrating to a new place would be no walk in the park. I would have to get used to transport, new places, new food (haha ;)) and in my case a whole new music/art community that I am a stranger to. Anyone who chooses to go into the arts knows the good ole feeling of pounding the pavement. Going to countless auditions, doing multiple low paying gigs until you score better ones, dealing with, for lack of a prettier word, rejection. This is never fun but for many in the arts we thrive off of that feeling. The exhilaration of every new audition, every new gig, every new chance to show the world what you've got. So when those chances go away...you feel...empty. I guess you could say I've had a dry spell, since I've moved to Toronto this is the longest time I've gone (since beginning a professional career post-college) without regular gigging. Now some of that regular gigging was good, some bad, some very very ugly BUT it was there, it was real, I was performing. Now I know I have a lot of growing to do as an artist, we all do but it's hard to accomplish that growth when you're home alone on a Saturday night while most of the people you know are working somewhere on their craft. I feel rusty. Like an old car left out in the rain for too long and never driven. Suuure it probably still runs but it doesn't look or sound as nice as the new model. Now I don't want to get too "Debbie Downer" on everyone, just like politics, self pity is not on the list of things this blog was supposed to be about. However, I was sitting here, alone and I felt the need to get some of the feelings I have inside me out. Somehow. I might not be singing but at least I can write. So write I will...I'm not sure what the answer to this lonely Saturday problem will be. Hopefully, little by little, gigging as much as I can because I miss my hunny on nights like this...but I miss my voice more.

Good night everyone.