Lonely Saturdays

Now, when your significant other is a musician lonely Saturday nights are pretty much a given. When every other couple would be having "date night" my hunny is off gigging...this has never been a problem because I too am in the entertainment industry and understand the "never really working regular hours" schedule of a performer. I was gigging most of the time too. It took a long time to train them but I think my friends have pretty much figured out the "Leah never has time off when we do and we shouldn't be offended when she blows us off to work" rule.

This all being said when you're NOT gigging, Saturday nights take on a whole new kind of loneliness.

I knew from the start, immigrating to a new place would be no walk in the park. I would have to get used to transport, new places, new food (haha ;)) and in my case a whole new music/art community that I am a stranger to. Anyone who chooses to go into the arts knows the good ole feeling of pounding the pavement. Going to countless auditions, doing multiple low paying gigs until you score better ones, dealing with, for lack of a prettier word, rejection. This is never fun but for many in the arts we thrive off of that feeling. The exhilaration of every new audition, every new gig, every new chance to show the world what you've got. So when those chances go away...you feel...empty. I guess you could say I've had a dry spell, since I've moved to Toronto this is the longest time I've gone (since beginning a professional career post-college) without regular gigging. Now some of that regular gigging was good, some bad, some very very ugly BUT it was there, it was real, I was performing. Now I know I have a lot of growing to do as an artist, we all do but it's hard to accomplish that growth when you're home alone on a Saturday night while most of the people you know are working somewhere on their craft. I feel rusty. Like an old car left out in the rain for too long and never driven. Suuure it probably still runs but it doesn't look or sound as nice as the new model. Now I don't want to get too "Debbie Downer" on everyone, just like politics, self pity is not on the list of things this blog was supposed to be about. However, I was sitting here, alone and I felt the need to get some of the feelings I have inside me out. Somehow. I might not be singing but at least I can write. So write I will...I'm not sure what the answer to this lonely Saturday problem will be. Hopefully, little by little, gigging as much as I can because I miss my hunny on nights like this...but I miss my voice more.

Good night everyone.